Koj puas tuaj yeem rov qab los ntawm tus kab mob?

2023 Tus sau: Mary Ward | [email protected]. Kawg hloov kho: 2023-07-27 20:18

Los ntawm kev siv emojis tsis ncaj ncees rau hnav cov ris tsho tsis raug, qhov dreaded ick tuaj yeem tshwm sim los ntawm txhua yam zoo nkauj. Peb puas yuav tsum txav mus dhau nws?

Daim duab no. Koj tau nyob rau ob peb hnub nrog ib tus neeg uas ua rau koj luag, muaj kev xav txawj ntse, thiab zoo nyob hauv txaj. Koj cov phooj ywg txhua tus tau pom zoo "lawv saib zoo" thaum koj xa ib lub screenshot ntawm lawv cov Hinge profile rau koj pawg sib tham. Koj tab tom xa tus neeg no, npaj koj hnub tom ntej thiab npau suav nruab hnub txog koj lub neej yav tom ntej ua ke, thaum lawv ua tiav ib qho ntawm lawv cov lus nrog lub ntsej muag luag ntxhi emoji.

Koj lub plawv dhia. Qhov kev xav ntawm kev sib koom lub hnab ntawm Lays thaum tshawb nrhiav hnub ci nyob sab Europe lub tebchaws thiab so mus rau lub tsev nyob hauv Yorkshire Dales ua ke tau tawg sai sai. Txhua yam koj xav tias koj paub txog lawv zoo li kev dag. Koj xav tias viscerally repulsed. Koj muaj ick.

Lub ick yog lo lus niaj hnub tam sim no uas hais txog qhov kev xav tam sim ntawm kev tawm tsam rau ib tus neeg koj tab tom sib tham. Cov kab lus nrov tau poob sai sai tom qab Olivia Atwood tau siv nws hauv 2017 series ntawm Kev Hlub Island, siv lo lus los piav qhia txog kev tawg ntawm nws txoj kev sib raug zoo nrog Sam Gowland. "Thaum koj pom ib tug me nyuam tub, thiab tau tus kab mob, nws tsis mus," nws hais. “Nws ntes tau koj, thiab nws tau txeeb koj lub cev. Nws tsuas yog ick. Kuv tsis tuaj yeem tuav nws tawm."

Tej zaum lawv tsis siv emoji tsis raug - tej zaum koj pom lawv khiav mus rau lub npav tsuas yog nco nws. Tej zaum lawv hais tias Jordan Peterson "ua rau qee cov ntsiab lus nthuav." Tej zaum lawv hnav ris tsho tawv nqaij. theick ntawm TikTok muaj ntau dua 115 lab tus saib, nrog qee cov yeeb yaj kiab qhia txog qhov tsis txaus ntseeg icks: ib tus hais txog kev xav tsis thoob ntawm "kev xav ntawm nws muaj chav nrog cov khoom hauv nws". Honestly, fair txaus.

Rau 26-xyoo-laus Anastasia, nws yog lawv tus khub cov hniav phem. "Nyob rau hauv kuv lub xyoo 20s thaum ntxov kuv tau tawm mus nrog tus txiv neej ntxim hlub tshaj plaws. Tom qab ntawd mam li nco dheev kuv txiav txim siab tias kuv tsis nyiam nws cov hniav ntxiv lawm, uas yog qhov ncaj ncees tshaj qhov ntiav thiab txaus ntshai tshaj plaws. Tab sis kuv tsuas yog ua tsis tau nws, "lawv nco qab. "Lwm zaus kuv tau xa tus txiv neej no kuv tau ntsib ob peb zaug, thiab mam li nco dheev nws xa kuv lub ntsej muag luag ntxhi rau kuv. Kuv zoo li, Au kuv tus Vajtswv, kuv yeej tsis xav pom nws ntxiv lawm.”

Nws tuaj yeem tau txais ick pltonically, ib yam nkaus. 24-xyoo-laus Maddy qhia Dazed tias nws feem ntau yuav kis tus kab mob nrog cov phooj ywg hauv tsev. "Lawv ib txwm pib npau taws rau kuv thiab ua rau kuv chim siab heev, thiab tom qab ntawd nws dhau los ua mob," nws hais. “Kuv muaj tus niam tsev no thiab nws tau noj sab nraum kuv chav, vim nws nyiam noj ze ntawm lub sam thiaj. Tsis nyob ntawm lub sam thiaj, tab sis nyob ze ntawm lub sam thiaj. Thiab qhov ntawd ua rau kuv npau taws heev."

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Peb nyob rau lub hnub nyoog uas heteropessimism, toxic misandry, thiab 'pom nws' feminism yog rife, raws li yog lub tswv yim narcissistic tias nws OK rau 'txiav' leej twg tsis 'pab' koj nrog tsis muaj lus piav qhia. Nrog rau qhov no hauv siab, nws tsis xav tsis thoob tias lub tswv yim ntawm ick tau nce traction hauv xyoo tas los no. Qhov tseem ceeb ntawm kev ua neej nyob hauv lub sijhawm kab lis kev cai no yog qhov kev xav dav dav los ntawm kev sib raug zoo - platonic lossis romantic - tsuas yog vim lwm tus neeg tsis 'tshuam tag nrho koj lub thawv'. Tab sis tsis yog ib tug hluas nkauj tua, muab pov tseg ib tug neeg ntawm thawj lub cim ntawm teeb meem tuaj yeem yog ib qho cim ntawm kev xav tsis zoo los yog kev ua phem rau tus kheej.

Anastasia lees paub qhov no. "Tom qab ib pliag, kuv paub tias qhov no tsuas yog suab zoo li kuv qhov teeb meem. Yuav ua li cas kuv ntsib tag nrho cov amazing neeg no thiab dheev kuv cia li icked tawm? lawv hais. "Tom qab lub sijhawm ntev hauv kev kho mob kuv pom tau tias kuv tau tawm tsam nrog kev sib raug zoo. Kuv tau txiav cov khoom tawm vim tias kuv yuav nrhiav kev zam kom tsis txhob muaj kev cuam tshuam thiab cuam tshuam nrog qee yam uas tsis xis nyob. " Maddy hais ntxiv tias nws paub tias nws tau txais tus kab mob thaum nws paub txog nws qhov phem tshaj plaws hauv lwm tus neeg. "Thaum qee yam ntawm koj tus kheej raug cuam tshuam rau lwm tus neeg, qee zaum ua rau koj tsis xis nyob," nws hais. "Kuv xav tias nws yog ib qho tseem ceeb heev thaum koj pib tsis nyiam ib tug neeg saib sab hauv thiab zoo li, 'yog vim lawv nco kuv txog kuv?"

Tom qab ib pliag, kuv paub tias qhov no tsuas yog suab zoo li kuv qhov teeb meem. Yuav ua li cas kuv ntsib tag nrho cov amazing neeg no thiab dheev kuv cia li icked tawm? - Anastasia

Tus kws tshaj lij kev sib raug zoo thiab tus kws tshaj lij Sarah Louise Ryan piav qhia tias lub tswv yim ntawm ick tau ua rau tib neeg zoo li Anastasia thiab Maddy tsis quav ntsej lawv tus kheej lub siab ntev ntev. "Los ntawm hais tias 'nws yog ick', tib neeg yeej hais tias nws tsuas yog 'ib yam dab tsi tshwm sim' hauv kev sib tham uas tsis yog lawv lub luag haujlwm," nws piav qhia. "Nws tshem tawm kev lav ris thiab kev ua tswv cuab ntawm qhov kev xav."

Qhov no tsis tau txhais hais tias koj yuav tsum nyob hauv kev sib raug zoo lossis kev phooj ywg uas ua rau koj tsis zoo siab. Yog tias, piv txwv li, koj tus khub tus neeg sau ntawv tsis zoo ua rau koj mob siab rau koj xav mob, tej zaum nws yuav tsim nyog tshuaj xyuas vim li cas koj xav li ntawd - tab sis lawv txoj kev ua siab phem ib leeg tsis yog ib yam tsim nyog xaus kev sib raug zoo. Txawm li cas los xij, yog tias koj pom koj tus khub tsis ncaj ncees, qhov ntawd yog qhov sib cav ntau ntawm kev txhawj xeeb. Raws li Anastasia hais tias: "Kuv xav tias muaj qhov sib txawv ntawm icks thiab chij liab." Lossis, qee zaum, koj yuav paub tias koj tsis yog 'tau txais tus ick' xwb, thiab koj tsuas yog gay xwb.

“Thaum ob tug neeg xav tias tsis sib haum xeeb, sib txuas thiab nyiam ib leeg thiab lawv xav tias muaj kev chim siab, xav tsis nyob hauv kev sib raug zoo, lossis xav txog kev sib tham nrog lwm tus, Kuv ntseeg tias nws yog lub sijhawm los xaus kev sib tham. taug kev,”Ryan hais. Tab sis yog tias koj txiav txim siab nyob hauv kev sib raug zoo txawm tias tau txais tus kab mob, koj tuaj yeem rov qab tau li cas?

Ua ntej, nws yog ib qho tseem ceeb kom tsom mus rau qhov zoo. Raws li tau hais dhau los, theick ntawm TikTok yog qhov nrov hashtag, tab sis reverseicks muaj ntau qhov kev pom - 160 lab nyob rau hauv tag nrho. Ntawm no, cov neeg siv qhia cov khoom zoo los xav txog koj tus khub ua. Ib yam li ntawd, greenflags muaj ntau dua 257 lab cov yeeb yaj kiab uas hais txog tej yam xws li kev sib txuas lus zoo, kev nkag siab, thiab kev ntseeg siab. Kev sib txuas lus tseem yog qhov tseem ceeb: "Tib txoj hauv kev koj tuaj yeem kov yeej qhov no yog los ntawm kev hais tias nws yog qhov ua rau koj xav tias khaus," Ryan hais. “Cov lus piav qhia ib tus neeg tsim tuaj yeem sib txawv kiag li rau lwm tus. Thaum lub suab nrov nws yuav ua rau muaj kev tawm tsam lossis tsis sib haum xeeb, qhov nws tuaj yeem ua tau yog coj ob tus neeg mus rau tib nplooj ntawv."

Thaum Anastasia ntsib Ahmed ob peb lub hlis dhau los, lawv tau dhau los ua "obsessed" nrog ib leeg - txog thaum Anastasia xav tias lawv tus kheej tau mob. Lawv hais tias, "Kuv zoo li, Au kuv tus Vajtswv, tsis yog, nws tau tshwm sim dua," lawv hais. Txiav txim siab tawm ntawm lawv cov qauv kev sib tham ib txwm muaj, lawv tau ncaj ncees nrog lawv tus khub thiab thov kom muaj qee qhov chaw hauv kev sib raug zoo. Lawv hais rau kuv tias "Kuv rov zoo dua tom qab peb hnub," lawv hais rau kuv. Txawm hais tias tus ick rov qab los, Anastasia ua siab ntev. Tam sim no lawv xav tias lawv tau "tshem" tus mob thiab nyob hauv kev zoo siab, noj qab haus huv, thiab kev sib raug zoo nrog Ahmed.

Nws tau tsim nyog ua haujlwm los ntawm nws: "Nws zoo heev thiab ntxim nyiam thiab zoo nkauj thiab tsuas yog tus neeg zoo," Anastasia hais. "Kuv hlub nws heev."